he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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