I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Come on in and take your pants off
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