Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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