I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
