i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
