You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
