I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
