no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
