Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize