Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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