dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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