cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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