just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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