pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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