There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
