oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We have started to decorate penises.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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