You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize