yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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