You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
