there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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