ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
