so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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