And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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