I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
