I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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