The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
