I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
