that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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