Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
