god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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