guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
