i think my mom watched the whole time
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
