I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im holly from the hills drunk
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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