apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
