He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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