At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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