Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
