She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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