You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
