I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
