I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize