So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My vagina is officially offended.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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