The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
