You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
