That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
