I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
