Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize