PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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