a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
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