Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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