I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this boner is exhausting
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
