Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
