I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
