her vagine was all disorganized.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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