There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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