My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
