you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
