Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
