you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
