Tell her she can't have a vagina
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My life is pants optional.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
