At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize