the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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