she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
