We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
