i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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