it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
