i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
