I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
