ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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