i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
