Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
