God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
