i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
