First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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