he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
