She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
