Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
